Day 1 on Adderall for ADHD

I was in a professional development session today, and as people shared their thoughts and answers, I stayed focused on what they were saying. I heard and understood every word. Once or twice I got distracted with my own reactions, but was able to tell myself to finish understanding them first. 

I read a ridiculously complex sentence, multiple lines long, and was able to slowly read it and understand what it meant, and then read to verify that. 

I thought multiple times during today's PD session (of which I was the organizer) of little off-topic comments I wanted to make to the people  sitting near me. Each time I checked myself and returned to whatever task the presenter had told us to do. Not one side comment escaped my lips. 

I passed out the sign-in sheets without anyone reminding me AND checked at the end of the session to make sure everyone had signed. 

I went 45 minutes without checking to see if Ryan had texted me back. 

I had a conversation with a teacher that had the potential to be uncomfortable. I didn't forget or procrastinate doing it. (and it ended up being quite productive)

None of this felt possible yesterday.

I felt today like a professional who is capable of controlling what I say and how I present myself, and of listening to understand without being concerned with my responses. I read something that I found boring and I understood it without staring at it for several minutes. 

It's hard to overstate how exciting this is. I've compensated and accommodated and scaffolded myself for 36 years without realizing it. And I've done pretty well (sometimes really well), in school, at home and at work. But there are so many things that have fallen through the cracks, that have felt overwhelming, that I didn't even realize I were missing until they were pointed out. The times I've been overcome by distraction and not known what was happening or how to fight against it. The times I can't block out the noise from light and sound and emotion and have to hide away in a corner of the house to escape.

It's a long road still, but I'm so excited to have taken the first steps. It was a good day.